Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
