You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
