I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
