He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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