We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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