You're my little dorito
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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