O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
