Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
