How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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