i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize