Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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