I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize