I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
