You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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