K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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