Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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