I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
