Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
