after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
