he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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