He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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