I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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