'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
