I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
