Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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