The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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