so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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