I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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