don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
