Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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