from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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