OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
