Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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