See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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