I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
