Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
