u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
