the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
