my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
