who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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