Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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