I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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