Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
