guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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