His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
