I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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