I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
