I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
