it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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