The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
