Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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