omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
