i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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