thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
