Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
