..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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