she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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