maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize