I heard we made out
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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